I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
