I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
