Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
