Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
