2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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