sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
