I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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