Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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