I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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