I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
