I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The Olympian is in my bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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