This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
