well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
