i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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