my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
