I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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