Pappa wants mamma naked
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
