I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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