We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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