thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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