I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
