At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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