My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize