im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
