life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
