Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
