make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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