she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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