Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
