So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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