I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
