Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
