he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
