Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
