I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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