I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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