It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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