Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
