as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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