the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
