You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
