why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
