I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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