Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
