I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
