upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my sisters under your porch take her home
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
