i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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