I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
