WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
