You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
