Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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