Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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