Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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