Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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