I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So much Jack, so little girl.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
