Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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