Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
