i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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