She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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