we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
