Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
