took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
