he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
