yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
