please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
