You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
