it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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