That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
