dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize