Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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