brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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