either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I skipped work to stalk him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They are going to name an STD after you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
