just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
