oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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