Your mouth is God's brothel.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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